


the one with the text messaging

by iwritesinsandtragedies



Series: Text Like 'verse [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BDSM mentions, Crack, F/F, F/M, Frottage, Kink mentions, M/M, Rimming, Texting, This Is STUPID, Underage - Freeform, cross dressing, idk - Freeform, sassy!Derek, sort of, spanking mentions, sterek, text au, total crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:17:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritesinsandtragedies/pseuds/iwritesinsandtragedies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson: look you can be gay but don't ever fucking call him Daddy while I'm around or I swear to god </p><p>Stiles: what, you'll pop a boner and pretend you're not hot for our dad </p><p>Issac: this is gross. I love it. </p><p>Or: </p><p>Teen Wolf Texting AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. daddy derek

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah.
> 
> I watched Teen Wolf...and uh. This is the result.

Stiles: I feel like an idiot 

Derek: yes but you're the cutest idiot I know 

Stiles: are you...flirting with me? 

Derek: Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing. 

Stiles: oh my god 

Stiles: dude 

Stiles: a year?? a whole freaking year? 

Stiles: I'm 

Stiles: I don't even 

Derek: I'm not sure why this is a surprise. I've been fairly obvious about it 

Stiles: no!!! you haven't!!!! 

Scott: can I say something? 

Stiles: ???

Scott: he's been flirting with u for a year, constantly, and u didn't know 

Scott: youre a dumbass 

Stiles: thanks 

Derek: did you REALLY think I was just casually telling you how good you looked for no reason 

Stiles: I DON'T KNOW!!! I THOUGHT MAYBE PUBERTY HAD CAUGHT UP 

Derek: I literally walked around shirtless, all the time when the rest of the pack left + you did NOTHING

Stiles: WAS I SUPPOSED TO JUMP U OR SOMETHING 

Derek: SOMETHING

Scott: I'm a little uncomfortable with this topic of conversation but I want to know what happens. 

Lydia: you really had no idea? 

Stiles: nO 

Derek: you're lucky you're pretty because you are one dumb bitch. 

Stiles: wow. 

Jackson: this is fucking gross 

Issac: someones homophobic 

Jackson: someone’s tired of everyone in this pack being a FUCKING RETARD

Lydia: don't say RETARD you asshole 

Stiles: :/ I feel stupid 

Derek: supported ^^ 

Stiles: are you trying to flirt or call me stupid because either way I'm feeling it

Scott: sub!Stiles

Scott: tHAT WAS ALLISON I SWEAR TO GOD 

Stiles: ew???? Yes, but ew???? 

Derek: good to know ;)

Scott: did you 

Scott: the leader of this pack 

Scott: just use the ‘;)’ emoji 

Derek: it's called the winky face Scott. Get up with The Times™

Stiles: im so proud. Look at what I have created. 

Lydia: it's beautiful. Sassy!Derek. 

Jackson: enough 

Scott: I should make popcorn. 

Stiles: ughhhhh I want pancakes 

Issac: well I want some dick but you know what? Sometimes life is cruel :/

Derek: :/ I feel ya buddy *cough cough* 

Stiles: no 

Derek: ://///// 

Stiles: we've never even went on a date. I'm not coming to suck ur dick 

Derek: ://///////////////////// 

Lydia: :////

Jackson: why are you using that emoji their dicks and or lack of receiving dick doesn't effect you 

Lydia: I just want some good dick :/ 

Jackson: okay well i'm alone why are you not here?? 

Lydia: I said I want some good dick 

Stiles: OH MY GODDDDDDD 

Issac: OHHHHHHHHHHHH WOW 

Lydia: kidding. He's decent

Jackson: decent?! 

Lydia: yes. Decent. Good. Fine. 

Jackson: :/// 

Lydia: if we're all so bummed why don't we just go see a movie or something 

Scott: I'm in 

Stiles: sure 

Derek: yeah okay. 

Issac: I'm down 

Scott: Allison wants to come 

Lydia: yay! 

Stiles: CAN WE SEE DEADPOOL 

Derek: or Batman v Superman 

Stiles: ...can we see both 

Lydia: hot guys fighting, let me think...yeah. Ryan Reynolds ass + shirtless Henry Cavill = I'm good. Let's go 

Stiles: I love you 

Lydia: I know. Derek youre paying 

Derek: what? Why?

Lydia: bc you're the father of eight people 

Derek: I'm not your father 

Stiles: but you're my daddy <3 

Scott: oh my god 

Stiles: I'm kidding 

Stiles: except I'm totally not 

Lydia: hot 

Issac: should I ask the other children if they'd like father to take them to the movies for some bonding time 

Lydia: Erica and boyd are fucking rn. So. Probs not 

Scott: Derek your children are having sex. Bad dad 

Stiles: no you call him father I get to call him Daddy 

Stiles: wait if we're fucking I can't call him father that's too far 

Scott: but you can call him Daddy? 

Stiles: my kinks are a private matter, Scott. 

Scott: gross 

Scott: so are you into bdsm? 

Stiles: eh. Depends 

Lydia: wait I want to know about ur kinks keep going 

Stiles: well like. That's kinda. 

Lydia: I don't care. Spill 

Lydia: are you into spanking? Rimming? Frottage? I need to know 

Stiles: whats frottage? 

Lydia: I'll text you 

Scott: NGL, I'm curious 

Issac: wait what's frottage 

Issac: ohhh wait I know what it is. Don't I Scott 

Scott: nO 

Lydia: ^^?????

Scott: Allison is into some wierd shit okay I'm not like. Gay. 

Lydia: so you dry humped Issac for her to get off on? 

Issac: it was a magical night 

Stiles: oh, frottage isn't that bad. I thought it was gonna be worse than that. Yeah, I'm into all of the above. 

Lydia: hmm. Collars? Cross dressing? 

Stiles: um, no to the cross dressing. That's just. All I think of is Norman Bates and yeah. No. But yes to the collars. Maybe. 

Lydia: do you like being tied down? 

Stiles: I don't actually know. Never tried it tbh 

Lydia: you should. Oooohhhhhh and ice. And roleplay!! 

Jackson: now that I agree with. 

Scott: yeah^^ 

Issac: same. 

Stiles: why are you all so kinky 

Scott: werewolf thing, maybe? 

Stiles: I should research this. 

Derek: I'm very disturbed considering you all just said you were my children. Is this the usual topic of conversation? 

Stiles: maybe?? We're horny teenagers. 

Stiles: I'm still calling you Daddy 

Derek: I am fine with this. 

Stiles: ;)) 

Derek: so, movies or…?

Lydia: yes! But Derek, what's your kink? I'm curious 

Stiles: I'll use it--your kink--for research. I like to study the different ideals or likes, dislikes, kinks, etc. between bitten and born werewolves. So you should all expect an awkward discussion about your kinks soon 

Issac: okay mom 

Scott: haha you would be the mom bc you're fucking Derek 

Lydia: derekkkk 

Derek: look I'd rather not talk about this to my metaphorical children 

Stiles: research!! 

Derek: fine. I don't like being tied down, first off. I don't like roleplay, it's just wierd. I don't like the ice thing. I'll do it to someone else, but not on me. 

Derek: I feel like I shouldn't tell you what I'm about to. 

Scott: well now you have to. 

Derek: so there's a thing, that born werewolves have, that bitten werewolves dont. 

Stiles: um. 

Lydia: I thought so. 

Scott: what is it?? 

Derek: I'm mostly human. Mostly. But during sex, born wolves have a thing that happens 

Derek: ya know 

Derek: down there 

Scott: still confused 

Derek: think hard Scott. wereWOLF.

Scott: not following you 

Derek: I really don't want to have to say it.

Jackson: I don't get it. What am I not getting 

Derek: I can't do this 

Lydia: what's it called when you tie something. 

Scott: what?

Lydia: tying something into a…?

Jackson: OH GROSS 

Scott: I still don't get it. 

Stiles: dog penis Scott 

Scott: OH 

Scott: OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A KNOT ON YOUR PENIS 

Derek: yes

Stiles: I want to see it

Derek: it doesn't always happen. 

Stiles: if I sucked ur dick would it happen 

Derek: yes 

Stiles: cool. I'm coming over 

Derek: ...to suck my dick? 

Stiles: yes

Derek: what the fuck 

Derek: I'm 

Derek: you cant just come and suck my dick for knot research

Stiles: what if I let you spank me and call you Daddy 

Derek: the front doors unlocked 

Lydia: okay but that's not a kink. What's your kink. Your thang. Your turn on.

Stiles: did you just say thang? 

Derek: ugh. Lydia, I'm disgusted with you. 

Derek: anyway I like it when I get to put my knot inside people, lock it in them. Only did it twice but Jesus fuck

Derek: and I am into bdsm. Light, but still 

Stiles: jfc 

Lydia: okay yeah!!!! But what's something you've never done that you've fantasized about, etc. 

Derek: having sex while I'm shifted. 

Stiles: OH MY GOD PLEASE 

Derek: please what 

Stiles: fuck me while ur shifted 

Stiles: Daddy 

Jackson: look you can be gay but don't ever fucking call him Daddy while I'm around or I swear to god 

Stiles: what, you'll pop a boner and pretend you're not hot for our dad 

Issac: this is gross. I love it. 

Derek: I'm no one's father???? Like, just to clarify 

Scott: c’mon, dad, don't be like that 

Issac: yeah. C’mon, dad. 

Lydia: daaaad 

Issac: dad! 

Jackson: no 

Stiles: daddy!! <3 

Derek: I'm done


	2. 'LydiaMartin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *writes this instead of the 10,000+ fic I'm working on*

Stiles: hello children 

Derek: No, I'm the father 

Stiles: sick star wars reference bro

Derek: shut the fuck up 

Scott: ur such assholes to each other 

Stiles: that's called love 

Derek: it's called Stiles is an asshole and Derek has to put up with his bullshit because unfortunately he loves him 

Stiles: I'm a total Derek stan tbh 

Scott: what? 

Derek: what? 

Stiles: OMFG ur both losers like learn what shit means lmao 

Derek: who the fuck are you to talk 

Stiles: you tryin to take a stab at me m8? 

Derek: nope. Nope nope nope. that's not just a casual word you get to throw around 

Stiles: what 

Derek: mate you idiot 

Stiles: oH 

Scott: OH 

Lydia: can I be a witness to the amazing angry sex you're about to have? 

Stiles: no????? 

Derek: sure 

Derek: I mean ew gross Lydia

Stiles: sure? what the fuck 

Lydia: cool 

Stiles: nO THAT WAS NOT A YES 

Stiles: WHAT THE FUCK DEREK 

Scott: awww mom and dad are fighting again :/

Stiles: we're not even. We're not fighting. I'm 

Derek: yeah we don't fight bc we both know who would win 

Stiles: what's that supposed to mean 

Derek: bye 

Stiles: okay fuck you, Scott, fuck you, Derek and especially fuck you Lydia

Lydia: why the ‘especially’? I did nothing wrong!!!! Nor have I ever!!1! 

Stiles: I know this and I love you

Stiles: I am simply pissed and I apologize 

Lydia: :) 

Scott: I have a question. 

Stiles: shoot 

Scott: kay like. 

Scott: are you and Derek gonna get married. 

Stiles: I'm seventeen

Scott: well not now dumbass. I'm the future 

Stiles: you have mighty high opinion of yourself there Scotty 

Scott: fuck you I meant in***

Stiles: we're not even mated yet tho :/ cry 

Scott: oh 

Derek: not until you're 19 at least 

Stiles: why not 18 

Derek: because I want you to be sure. 

Stiles: sure of what????!!!!!

Derek: that you still love me. 

Lydia: OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CUTE!! 

Lydia has taken a screenshot of the chat log! 

Stiles: really 

Lydia: yes. I'm framing this for your wedding 

Derek: :) 

Stiles: no 

Stiles: again 

Stiles: I'm 17. Yes im gonna marry mr bushy eyebrows one day but not any time soon you losers 

Derek: my eyebrows are not bushy 

Stiles: oh yeah then why do you constantly look like this: >:( 

Scott: LMAO 

Lydia: accurate 

Derek: haha! Hilarious. Really, I'm in tears. Just remember I know where each of you live and I am, in fact, a fucking werewolf 

Derek: :) 

Stiles: I stopped being scared of you right around the time i realized that you're actually just a giant softy w/ anger problems 

Stiles: and when I saw that you own thumbhole sweaters 

Lydia: I love thumbholes! 

Lydia: don't make that perverted 

Scott: ...it sounded perverted 

Stiles: tHATS WHAT SHE SAID 

Stiles: or he? 

Derek: I hate you all. 

Stiles: my heart is p o u n d i n g with fear fr

Stiles: SO scared ://

Stiles: ACRUALLY SHAKING RN. VISIBLY. LIKE A CHIHUAHUA 

Scott: ???shut up 

Stiles: I'm sorry Derek just scares me so much you know 

Derek: :( 

Stiles: you mean >:(

Derek: fuck you 

Stiles: ok cool when 

Derek: -_- 

Stiles: lol where did u learn to use that 

Derek: why is it you all are SO surprised when I know things. I wasn't raised in a fucking cave nor do I currently live under a rock. 

Stiles: aw. He thinks he's hip, cool. How cute.

Lydia: does he even have a facebook? 

Stiles: probably a MySpace lolol

Scott: I think that's admirable. He doesn't let social media rule his life. 

Derek: thank you, Scott. 

Derek: but I do have an old MySpace account. Forgot the password tho 

Stiles: did you try ‘brooding’ or ‘grumpy’ 

Derek: oh and what's your password? ‘LydiaMartin’? 

Stiles: haha no!!! Wrong 

Derek: I'm on your computer 

Stiles: nO SHIT

Derek: it's not ‘LydiaMartin' I was wrong 

Stiles: you'll never fuckin guess it 

Derek: I'm in

Stiles: FUCK 

Scott: LOL WHAT WAS THE PASSWORD

Derek: well I'm proud that I knew it, or that I typed it in. But 

Derek: it's literally ‘daddyderek’. 

Scott: I'm 

Lydia: lol stiles that's gross and totally obvious

Stiles: fuck all of u 

Derek: no!!! Just me 

Stiles: :/ 

Lydia: bye Felicia


	3. small prequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott: did you just call me a bitch? 
> 
> Stiles: no I said don't be one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a lil' tiny prequel I thought would be cute/funny to add. :) 
> 
> I can't thank you all enough for the kind comments!! :* 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Also! There is slight underage mentions in this chapter. (Underage drinking/sex)
> 
> That doesn't mean I personally think it's always an okay thing; but as long as both sides are consensual and its not completely illegal, do what ya want, hon. :)
> 
> (This being said, I personally don't think anyone over the age of 18 should sexually be with anyone younger than 16, but to each their own. Consensually, of course.)
> 
> The underage drinking thing happens in canon, so I added it. However, I'm under 18 and would never do that, but.

Stiles: i had a drea m last nigh,, 

Scott: are you really drunk texting me right now? 

Stiles: heeeeeh diddddddnot aks u scott 

Stiles: were did dere?k go

Scott: where are you? I’m taking you home 

Stiles: u cuould take me to derk:) 

Scott: ...why would I do that 

Stiles: bc hes great cuddlre. in the morningng 

Scott: what? 

Stiles: cuddles! 

Stiles: I’m drunk :( 

Scott: Yep. I know 

Stiles: haa i havea secret,:) 

Stiles: bu t i can't tell you

Scott: okay.

Stiles: i had sex with someione:) 

Scott: sure 

Stiles: u?think im lyi ng 

Stiles: but I fuckd derek 

Stiles: :D 

Scott: you what???? 

Stiles: well,, heput his prniz in me

Stiles: prnis* 

Stiles: ff uck penis*

Stiles: jaa penis 

Scott: oh my god 

Stiles has invited Lydia to join the chat! 

Lydia has joined the chat! 

Lydia: whats up? 

Stiles: i had sexy with dere,k 

Stiles: shit fuck

Lydia: Jesus, finally. Anything else? I'm busy. 

Stiles: I love uou:)

Lydia: mmhmm. You're drunk and I love you too. Goodnight, Stiles. 

Stiles: GOODNIGHT my queen 

Stiles: my kalisi 

Lydia: Khaleesi*

Stiles: .?/

Scott: I'm gonna go find him and take him home 

Stiles: jokes on. U. I am/ home with Derek:) 

Stiles: :) 

Scott: you are? 

Lydia: cute. 

Lydia: bye!:) 

Lydia has left the chat. 

Stiles: This is Derek. Stiles just collapsed on the couch, so I'm assuming he'll just wake up with a bitch of a hangover, and he'll be fine. 

Scott: why is he with you? 

Stiles: Wow, that wasn't at all rude. 

Stiles: But you'll have to ask him. Hes the one who kissed me first. 

Scott: what the fuck even I meant why is he at your house!! 

Stiles: ...oh. Well, his dad has an all nighter at the station so I just brought him here. Not like he hasn't stayed before 

Scott: gross???

Stiles: Oh yes because I'm sure you've never had sex before.

Scott: wait you two had sex? I thought he was kidding!! Dude hes 17!! 

Stiles: I'm only 22, Scott. It's not that big of a difference. Don't be a bitch 

Scott: did you just call me a bitch? 

Stiles: no I said don't be one 

Scott: fuck you

Stiles: nah I prefer Stiles. 

Scott: God you're so disgustingly perfect for him 

Stiles: he seems to think so. 

Scott: and you don't? 

Stiles: I think he could do much better than me, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Scott: what? 

Stiles: nevermind. Night, Scott. 

Scott: goodnight :)


	4. or you just happy to see me oh fuck okay hes got a gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put my pool up today, so have a pool chapter.
> 
> This is a bit shorter but there's gonna be a second part.
> 
> I'm amazed at the feedback on this! Thank you guys for all the love <3

Jackson: I'm gay

Jackson: I'm not gay Lydia took my phone

Lydia: ;)

Allison: gUESS WHO GOT HER POOL SET UP MEEEEEEEEEEEE

Lydia: I have a ten ft deep underground pool tho

Allison: mine is five feet deep :(

Lydia: well you can come to mine

Allison: like right now? because im ready to fuckin swim

Stiles: is stiles invited?

Lydia: stiles is invited

Scott: is Scott invited?

Allison: scott is v much invited

Erica: shut the fuck up we're all going to Lydia's pool okay everyone is invited 

Lydia: rude

Derek: I'm not going

Stiles: the fuck you're not

Derek: I'm not. If I'm hot, I'll take a cold shower. Not that hard

Stiles: hAAHAHAHAHAA SO MANY JOKES IN THAT SENTENCE

Stiles: but you're going

Lydia: ew. -_- anyway, Derek, either you're coming or I'm making everyone swim naked

Erica: I'm fine with this so???????

Derek: well now I'm definitely not going. I don't want to see any of you naked. 

Stiles: ?????????????????????????listen buddy

Derek: you don't count shut up

Lydia: fine. you're all swimming naked or not at all

Stiles: fine. I'm not going if Derek's not. gotta stay w/my bby

Derek: you can't call me daddy in the middle of fucking and then 'bby' when we're not. its confusing and honestly you're gonna give either of us a complex

Scott: TOP

Scott: fUCK I MEANT STOP***

Stiles: Derek I can feel you rolling your eyes through the screen stop it

Derek: how did you even know that

Stiles: im just cool that way *finger guns*

Lydia: you're really not.,

Jackson: Im at ur house open the fuckin door

Lydia: okay jesus

Jackson: *Jackson

Lydia: FUCK OFF

Derek: god damn it whatever but I'm not swimming naked 

Boyd: better not be no titties out if I'm there. 

Stiles: when did you even join this chat?

Boyd: I'm just saying. No titties. 

Lydia: we're swimming naked there's gonna be boobs 

Boyd: fine. 

Boyd: don't get mad when I'm staring at your chest princess 

Lydia: I literally don't give a shit I just want to swim. 

Boyd: this is why you're my favorite. 

Erica: I'm right here

Boyd: Erica. Do not. 

Scott: Stiles I'm coming to get ur pale ass 

Stiles: cool thanks bro 

Derek: I'm going to regret this.


	5. wow its been like an ass year but now that stydia is canon im just gonna make another chapter bc why not yknow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its been a long ass mofo time sorry oopS

Derek: its 

Derek: its march

Derek: and u want to move in with me 

Stiles: ...

Stiles: whats wrong with march? i **like** march. 

Derek: just because you learned how to use an asterisk doesnt mean you have to bold every word that has more emotion than the other. 

Derek: no one moves in march

Stiles: we could. we could and it could be different than anyone else because we're different than anyone else 

Derek: stiles 

Derek: now isnt the time 

Stiles: why? why not? i love you and i want to now 

Derek: no i mean..now isnt the time to discuss this

Derek: @ scott dont think i dont see u peepin 

Scott: pretend im not here and go on 

Derek: no? 

Stiles: uGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Derek: was that necessary tho lmao 

Scott: why do you type like that

Derek: come @ me weak ass omega bitch 

Derek: pussy ass bitch

Scott: ?????????bruh

Stiles: DFNDFGND I HAVE HIS PHONE IM MESSING WITH OYU 

Scott: youre so fucking dumb 

Scott: id send a meme if i could 

 

 


End file.
